23 Jun When the Job Ends, But the Feelings Don’t

Emotional triggers can come from anywhere, at any time, whether your job loss is recent, looming, or in the past.

Triggers can fuel our fears, blow up our anger, deplete our self-esteem, or make us feel like we need to cover up what is happening to us.  When we recognize them for what they are, we can take a step toward reclaiming control.  They’re not just pain points but reminders of who we were and the journey we used to be on.  

The Journey Shifts Before the Job Ends

As soon as the people in charge begin the process of letting us go, we’ve already stepped off the path we were on with that organization.  Everything around us may look the same, including the scenery and structure of our days, but the trajectory is different now.  You’re slowly realizing you must put yourself before the organizational goals you were pursuing only the day before.  You may even be wondering, “Should I be conciliatory or adversarial?”

Who You Were No Longer Fits

The time between knowing you’re losing your job and the final closing of the door can be excruciating. People, places, conversations—even the well-meaning ones—can plunge you into self-blame and sudden grief. As you navigate your way forward, expect to be pulled back into the comfort of who you were, while you swim toward an uncertain shore.  This is fundamentally a disorienting time.  But it’s also where insight and growth begin.

The Gracious Goodbye: Antonia’s Story

Antonia knew that the organization was in trouble.  Government funding had been slashed, and she was putting in 12-hour days crafting budget scenarios to preserve roles.  When she began to hear about meetings she should have been attending, she went to her boss.  He assured her that everything was fine, and the organization was focused on areas that were outside of her scope.  Two months later, he called her into his office and told her that her job was being eliminated.  Her projects were going to be distributed among four other people.  He was shattered, he told her, but he’d been outvoted.  He then asked if she could stay for another month to train her replacements.  

Antonia readily agreed, since she was still emotionally tethered to the job. What she didn’t expect were the daily waves of emotion.  Reviewing projects she had once led triggered pride, pain, and loss.  Colleagues’ well-meaning calls and a heartfelt two-page goodbye tribute made her feel seen, but also betrayed, thinking, “How could they let anyone go who’s accomplished all of that! ”  The good news that she could work remotely for the remainder of the month—no need to show up—left her oddly suspended.  She felt hollow, and she didn’t know why, because they were all being so nice.  Finally, she conceded:  the character she had been playing was gone.  

The Brutal Exit: Julie’s Story

Julie’s experience was entirely different.  For at least six months, she felt under siege. A senior executive had made her a target, undermining her publicly and chipping away at her confidence.  Julie stood her ground, trying to show strength and countering the bully in public meetings.  But power is power.  Her staff and peers began to distance themselves.  Her calls weren’t returned.  Her nominal budget requests were delayed or denied. This drawn-out separation went on far too long, neither side knowing the best, humanitarian way to say goodbye.  

By the time Julie was let go, she’d hired a tough lawyer to fight for severance and developed an angry stress-related rash.   She couldn’t think about what came next—she couldn’t even remember what she had once loved about her work.  The damage was deep but not without hope.  Cue Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, who introduced the concept of post-traumatic growth: the idea that adversity can be a catalyst for a stronger, more purposeful self. That is Julie’s work now. With the daily barrage of negativity behind her, she finally has space to turn inward. Her healing won’t be passive—it will take reflection, clarity, and courage. Her first task: to name her values and define how she contributes best, so she can build a work life that reflects her worth and no longer requires armor.

What Comes Next

Job loss forces you to detach from roles and identities you may have clung to for years—and ask, sometimes for the first time, “What else could I do? Who else could I become?” Navigating the triggers along the way is an important part of finding answers.  Pay attention to what they’re revealing about your values, pain, and resilience.  Ask yourself: “Why does this bother me?  What am I reliving?  Am I still grieving?” These aren’t distractions—they’re part of the path forward. Put one foot in front of the other and keep walking, even when your steps are shaky.  The clarity will come.

For deeper insight into this process, including the grief that often goes unspoken, read the chapters on emotional triggers in Involuntary Exit. In fact, read all of it. You deserve that kind of support.