18 Sep Is Working Hard Good?

That sounds like a naïve question with a predictable answer.  How could it be otherwise? 

There’s a cliché that goes around about women believing that if they work hard enough, they’ll get promoted. I’m sure that belief isn’t limited to women. Clichés are truths. While we may think we’re savvy enough to debunk that myth, we’re still working 24/7 to do more and get ahead. When we’re told we’re no longer needed by the company after all that hard work and intellectual capital built on our shoulders, it’s a shock.

Balancing Hard Work and Identity Preservation

This is one of the toughest lessons to learn while you’re still in the embrace of a company.

Hard workers are programmed to swim upstream, to put their jobs above all else. They become part of the “groupthink” of corporate culture — organizing the team-building retreats, helping write the list of corporate values. All of this serves the business. Maintaining emotional distance from the Kool-Aid table takes deliberate focus.

Here’s what I’d tell someone inside, especially if they’re starting to feel the ground shift:

• Allow others to take over when you need a break, and withhold judgment when the work is sufficient but not outstanding. Unless it’s mission-critical, you can ease up.

Last week I took a nap in the middle of a workday. Someone else picked up where I left off.  When I checked back in, the work had gotten done. Not at the level I would have delivered it, but done. Nothing had collapsed.  I had allowed myself to let go of my self-importance.

• Turn in your martyr’s badge. I remember listening to a woman on stage talk about an event she’d coordinated for a nonprofit’s campaign launch. At one point, she broke down crying, saying she’d started sleeping at the office and neglecting her family. I thought, “Why is she telling us this story? Is it to teach us what we should do or shouldn’t do? Or is she seeking praise and empathy?” Being a work martyr has never held any appeal for me. Focus on the horizon beyond the urgency.

• Resist being pulled in by the magnet of hell. This is the swirl of gossip, politicking, and predictions of total failure should the crisis of the moment continue. I’ve been in enough of those desperate conversations to know they never changed the outcome — only my mood. It’s hard work being in the pull of that magnet, but useless. And it won’t guarantee your position in the company.

• Practice talking about yourself without mentioning what you do for work. Someone asked a friend of mine recently what she did outside of her job, and she noticed how long it took her to answer. That pause told her something. 

If you’re surprised by how few other topics or hobbies come up when you’re asked, be intentional about adding to that list and recognizing that you do have a life outside of work. The list helps you remember who you are, your breadth and depth as a human, which is essential when you’re in the throes of someone else’s deadline or crisis.  

Invaluable to Myself

After that nap, I was told that I’m invaluable. Clearly, it had nothing to do with how hard I worked—or hadn’t.  Maybe I’d said a few choice words at a meeting that made everyone nod.  

I’ve learned to hear that word differently than I used to. Being called invaluable is a compliment about a moment, not a guarantee about a future.

I am, however, invaluable to myself. That’s the distinction worth sitting with. The company’s assessment of my worth can change with a new CEO or a bad quarter. My own assessment doesn’t have to move with it. 

It’s in our nature to want to be recognized for our hard work. When we’re not, we become bitter. If we want a buffer against the deep, dark feelings of anger and disappointment, one of the skills worth honing is defining ourselves outside of our jobs. This goes to my recommendation to practice talking about yourself without mentioning what you do for work.  This will help you build strong resilience muscles.

What else can you do? It’s worth reclaiming and restating your value to yourself as often as possible.  Unlike the company, you never get to lay yourself off. Nobody else is coming to tell you what you’re worth. Reclaim it, restate it, and stop waiting for permission to believe it.